At the age of fourteen, before texting became a regular occurrence in my daily life, I had a cell phone that could make and receive calls, and that, sometimes, doubled as a walkie talkie. As much as I love the advancement of technology from then until now, I miss the unimportance of that phone, but the amount of importance it did hold.
There were those late nights where I would stay up until two, three in the morning, quietly whispering through the speaker and hearing a soft voice on the other end. It was those nights, where I’d pretend to be asleep as soon as my parents’ door opened and a sliver of light was seen under my bedroom door, that I learned to see deeper than skin. Those were the nights that secrets were told, fears were revealed, love was felt.
Tonight felt like that. It’s been a mere day and a half, yet I long for him like water. He has become the breeze on my face, the air I breathe.
We’ve had nights full of secrets and fears and love, nights where we lay in darkness, the room filled with our words, stories, truths; but as the second night without him curling up next to me begins, the phone call I received could almost replace his warmth. There’s just something about hearing a voice you know and love on the other end of the receiver. There’s something about the way you can visualize the words forming, the facial expressions made as the sounds are created.
It is hard to look back on this body of words from months past and believe that I am the same person I was when I first began. That is silly. I am not the same, I am now alive when I thought I had died. I am feeling for the first time in what seems like forever. I have learned to love again. I am alive.
There is no catch, no “but” at the end of this. Just a simple post to tell the fact: I am alive.
I was once fourteen, giggling on one end of a late night phone call. I am now just shy of twenty, and am not afraid to say that I enjoy those late night phone calls now more than I believe I ever did before.
We grow and we age, but we are the same. We have a trials, and we have our valleys, but nothing stays that way for long. We are like the ocean with our tides, we are like the seasons- ever changing.
Breathe. Take a single, deep breath. I have learned to let go. I have learned that it will get better. I have learned.
It must be something about being in love. It must be something about being alive.